Trump’s Secretive Hospital Trip Fuels Speculation About His Health


( LAUGHTER )
NOT ALL THE NEWS THIS WEEKEND WAS ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. NOT ALL THE NEWS THIS WEEKEND
WAS ABOUT IMPEACHMENT. ON SATURDAY, THE PRESIDENT MADE
AN UNSCHEDULED TRIP TO THE HOSPITAL. THE SECRETIVE NATURE OF THE
VISIT PROMPTED A LOT OF SPECULATION. WHO KNOWS THE REAL REASON, BUT
TRUMP WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST PRESIDENT TO HIDE HEALTH ISSUES:
F.D.R. HID POLIO, EISENHOWER HID A HEART ATTACK, AND LINCOLN HID
HIS SECRET SKULL REDUCTION SURGERY. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHY HE WORE THE HAT. HE HAD THE SURGERY, SO HE HAD TO
WEAR THE HAT TO COVER UP — I DON’T QUITE UNDERSTAND, EITHER. ( LAUGHTER )
I AM SINCERELY RELIEVED TO SAY THAT IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S
NOTHING WRONG WITH THE PRESIDENT’S HEALTH. I MIGHT NOT BE TRUMP’S BIGGEST
FAN, BUT I DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE THE WHITE HOUSE FEET
FIRST. I WANT HANDCUFFS FIRST. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
( PIANO RIFF ) PRESS SECRETARY STEPHANIE
GRISHAM LATER EXPLAINED THAT TRUMP DECIDED TO GET PARTS OF
HIS PHYSICAL DONE EARLY BECAUSE HE HAD A “FREE WEEKEND” IN
WASHINGTON. OKAY, THAT’S THE SADDEST THING
I’VE EVER HEARD. (AS TRUMP)
“HM, I HAVE THE DAY OFF, I COULD SPEND IT WITH MY CHILDREN? NOT REALLY MY THING. MY WIFE? SHE HATES ME. MY FRIENDS? ALL IN JAIL. AH, I’LL GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND
HAVE THEM STICK ME WITH NEEDLES, JUST TO FEEL SOMETHING.” ( LAUGHTER )
GRISHAM WENT ON, EMPHASIZING THAT TRUMP IS, “HEALTHY AS CAN
BE.” ( LAUGHTER )
OKAY, BUT HOW HEALTHY CAN HE BE? HE’S A 73-YEAR-OLD INSOMNIAC WHO
EATS NOTHING BUT FAST FOOD, WHO’S AFRAID OF STAIRS. (AS TRUMP)
“WATCH OUT FOR STAIRS. THEY’RE LIKE RAMPS WITH TEETH.” IT’S TRUE. ( LAUGHTER )
TRUMP TOOK TO TWITTER TO DEFEND HIS TOTALLY NORMAL SURPRISE
CHECKUP, SAYING HE WENT TO WALTER REED AND “BEGAN PHASE ONE
OF MY YEARLY PHYSICAL.” OKAY, PHYSICALS DON’T HAPPEN IN
PHASES. ( LAUGHTER )
EVERYBODY HAS THEM. I JUST HAD ONE. MY DOCTOR NEVER SAID, “OKAY,
DROP YOUR PANTS, BEND OVER, AND TRY TO RELAX. I’LL BE BACK IN SIX MONTHS.” ( LAUGHTER )
ALL RIGHT? YEP. YEP. ( PIANO RIFF )
STAY THERE. STAY THERE. ( APPLAUSE )
TRUMP FINISHED HIS TWEET WITH, “WILL COMPLETE NEXT YEAR.” ( LAUGHTER )
YES, TRUMP’S FIRST PART OF THE PHYSICAL WAS SUCH A HIT THAT
NEXT YEAR, THEY’RE COMING OUT WITH A SEQUEL:
“COLONOSCOPY 2: 2 BLOCKED 2 SCOPE.” ( LAUGHTER )
WE’VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

100 thoughts on “Trump’s Secretive Hospital Trip Fuels Speculation About His Health”

  1. Feet first, handcuffs first… Why choose? I’m fairly sure trump will either die from stress during the impeachment or kill himself after he’s removed from office.

  2. A lot of people don't know that: this very stable, least racist genius with very large a brain does not only have the best words, he has the best health.

  3. It could also be a stunt to have health issues up his sleeve in the event he needs it; plus he is creating drama for his followers….. being the hero. Oh I am strong, pretending to be well, but the bad Democrats are having an impact on my health. I need you rallying to my rescue! He's covering all bases.

  4. He had to go to the hospital. He thought that there was something on his ass. Turns out its only Jim Jordan, Devin Nunes, and Lindsey Graham got their lips permanently super glued to Trump's ass.

  5. I'm sorry, but I think it's over the line to wish for an elected president to be removed from the White House in handcuffs or jokes about a person's health, even a detestable person. I absolutely don't want Trump re-elected and get why there's so much vitriol against him but the level of crassness in public speech now is sliding into the gutter.

  6. All I want for Christmas is Trump impeached, trump impeached, trump impeached
    All I want for Christmas is trump impeached, so I can tell the right that they can kiss this 🍑🍆🙀

  7. Trump had a successful emergency surgery lasted several hours. The surgery itself involved removing several head's, that were stuck deep up his ass. After s long, intense surgery, DNA tests analysis were done on the heads and test results are in and they show the heads belong to Lindsey Graham, Rudy Guilianni, and Sean Hannitty, to name a few. Trump is expected to have a full recovery.

  8. he wants a liposuction…almost every comedian makes fun of his great posture…trevor even mentioned his vagina neck.

  9. Jon Baptiste playing "Only the Lonely" during Colbert's joke of doctor leaving him with his pants down for 6 mos. Classic. 😁

  10. May stroke, Heart attack, cancer or else never touch the president!!!
    May the police, FBI, Congress or else take care of the president's Ass in jail.!!!

  11. Feet first, handcuffs first, in a small jar labeled Hazardous Waste… Doesn't matter to me as long as he's gone.

  12. They went to the hospital to see if there was any chance of finding Donald in the 240 pound tumor he calls a body

  13. So was this physical with another prostitute he'll have to pay off later?

    Too bad he didn't visit Dr. Conrad Murray.

  14. A president who has a weekend off and nothing better to do then go to hospital. This is in the top ten of stupid lies that insult the listener.

  15. DOCTOR: "Ok, given your general fitness level I think we'll just try for 2 pushups…"
    TRUMP: * manages one pushup, sort-of *
    TRUMP: "Perfect. See you next year for the other one…"
    DOCTOR: "Maybe…"

  16. Maybe he simulated testicular cancer. What other way should he achieve getting his balls gently touched?

  17. Someone should start submitting FOIA requests for records of the visit while asking him publicly to release the records by doing nothing other than complying to the FOIA request.

  18. It was clearly to try to disarm the Russian bomb implanted in his spinal column when he fell asleep in the Moscow hotel. Would explain so many things including his bizarre posture change.

  19. There is big lack of creativity in this guy as he talks on only one topic everyday … Trump this Trump that …

  20. Well consider how much Republicans senators are crawling up his ass and how full of shit he is it is understandable that he has some blockage.

  21. I don't care HOW trump leaves the White House either feet first or handcuffs first, JUST SO LONG AS LEAVES THE WHITE HOUSE.

  22. AAHHH the old trick..he is too sick so for health reasons and to spend more time with Ivanka( no sign of MElania holding his hand on the way to the hospital?)." HE is forced to RESIGN 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

  23. This will be Trumps version of his hospital visit: “As soon as I got there everyone recognized me as the Chosen One, all the surgeons said that they wished that their hands were as magnificent as mine, three patients immediately came out of a coma to thank me and all the heart monitors started beeping in unison to the National Anthem”

  24. Just imagine the conspiracy theories if Prez Hamberders dies while in the White House… Oh my, print media will have a massive resurgence just to supply the newspapers clippings for the conspiracy walls, not to mention the fact that manufacturers of red string will rule the world. I'm afraid his death would just lead to a previously thought impossible level of stupidity within the population, leading to the presidency of Alex Jones.

  25. An all weekend long colonoscopy would do the job. Ours has been going on for over 3 years now. Bendover sir!

  26. I will never feel the complete physical nerve ending caress and sensation of my true lover’s kiss as those other boys did.

    Because of the permanent numbness in my lips from an oral surgery dental plan found for a corrective cleft lip and pallet birth defect which was only formed to me after my mother was “accidentally” given a drug by her dentist while pregnant with me growing as a fetus in her precious womb at the perfect stage for dental tampering for their own personal gain from the careless act of not perceiving me as human being but as a cash crop.

    Dentists (people) will do anything to enforce their need for clientele as do the doctor$ competing for more clients than any other doctor$ have!
    No matter what they must secretly hide insight from “patients” to only remind them to simply brush and floss to “keep them away” from being needed repeatedly.

    As a way to appear sincere while fearing for their own chosen livelihood at the same time.

    We live in a maintenance required world of chaos and lies to maintain a relevant job FORCING us to compete instead of being allowed to openly expand from or ever cure ourselves of disease with.

    If doctors do not keep us sick and unhealthy then they lose their relevant need to maintain monetary competition instead of ever evolving past it.
    1920 – 2019

    How many doctors would we need if we didn’t take claim over other people’s basic needs in life?
    Absolutely fewer than 10% of the population until we would need none, but only once we evolve through working together out of the enjoyment of openly being kind to learn unconditionally from one another.

    Every doctor has a chance to prove to child minded politicians of the correct way to evolve through our true useful knowledge of human biology and psychology, by saying that we have had enough of the necessity for such undermining in our requested professions.
    We need to enforce a worldwide change in our behavior and intended purposes by merely working out of the kindness in our hearts, just as I do learn everyday to now bring this caution to your attention.

    Politicians have not evolved to ever be useful or aware enough to communicate peace between separated countries. For the plenty full resources the earth naturally provides from past evolutionary enhancements. Sadly and relatively to be the most plenty full in America.

    Please don’t charge us or any human alike for our smiles.
    Why are we being charged to smile beautifully?
    It only makes us feel as if you really wanted us to frown all along.

    We all have a chance to produce sustainable results through our spirited practices we love doing. If you truly love your work then you will understand.

    We need a resource based technological care for precision of resources to produce 0 waste in order to save our selves and our planet from extinction.

    Doctors hold the fear of death in us.
    Release us. Please! God evolved, as it continues to adapt to the presence of people and my type of growing intelligence.

    We all require our freedom from this enslaved system and it’s faltered requirements for constant non-progressive job maintenance needed assurances to unfavorably contradict our basic psychological needs to live correctly.

    Our brain’s perception needs to be updated and approved by our subconscious connection to God and it’s planet earth.

    Sincerely,
    Your past mutated dental lab cleft pallet toothless birth child tortured cash crop to be of 38 years now and forever your torturing reoccurring patient,
    Christopher Anthony Glasse.

    I ask this of you for my own awareness of our psychological needs and from a gained sensitivity of a sick sense of smell picked up from a possible true love. One lovely woman who brought a new interest of hope and discovery to me when I had no idea that it was even possible. Ying and yang. She will complete me. As yours will too.

  27. Read the memo from the wh…. the figures for his cholesterol dont make any sense…they are better than the average Olympic athlete.

  28. Military physicals happen in phases. First one you go and get labs and such done, then you schedule part 2 where a doc goes over results and makes entries in your records. I suspect that they can get it all done in one shot for the president.

  29. Can you just IMAGINE how awful it would be if he contracted some sort of rare arse cancer that meant he shit himself constantly, but was also super-allergic to incontinence products? Can you imagine that – shit permanently dripping down the back of Trumps legs, plus they probably had to cut his cock off too…??? Man, that'd be terrible…

  30. I always decide to get a partial physical on the weekend. I mean, cocaine inspiration always makes it make sense.
    WAit….. what?????
    Why are you asking?

  31. Why is everyone so concerned about his health? Trump would know more than the doctor does and also if he had a heart attack he would perform his own resuss he is that good. and after doing compressions on his own chest and breathing down his own throat he would be in such great shape he could go a couple rounds with a porn star. Those great big hands of his and tight ass with rippled six pack abbs says its all hearsay and is just a routine checkup. Just ask his lover and soulmate Ivanka.

  32. Lincoln actually had skull reduction surgery…

    …when he was assassinated by being shot in the back of the head. 😱

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